How am I doing?
Need to talk about self care today. Especially around this current time we are in. While walking with our puppy and the kids this morning all of this was heavy on my mind.
I’ve always been a ‘rule follower’. I’m not saying I am perfect at following the rules but , I’ve realized this whole stay home order that we have in Canada is kicking in all my childhood thoughts and feelings? Why?
How am I feeling?
Left out, like a failure and alone…
Last week my son noticed our neighbor having friends over. It was obvious by conversations that all the adjoining yards to hers that they are front line workers.
‘Mom, if I’m not allowed to have friends over why is she?’ Good question?
We are blessed to live by lots of parks and trails. Recently the bc parks got closed, which meant we’ve been sticking close to home more then we have. I recently learned friends going for walks and right away felt ‘left out’. Again, those childhood fears crept right back up.
An order is an order, doing our best to be an example to our kids to ‘follow the rules’. Then there’s doing ‘crisis homeschooling’. Last week I completely missed read a section of the school website and missed several day’s worth of learning that I should have been doing. Those old feelings surfaced of being a failure and not ‘understanding’ the teachers directions and doing it wrong. All came back. Create and hands on is how I learn. Written directions have always been a challenge.
As much as all these feelings of left out, failure and alone. Seriously, grocery shopping is just silently weird. I’m almost always that annoying chatty person in the line up. As much as I can come across as shy I like meeting new people. Spaced out line ups and sparse shoppers in the stores is weird and kinda lonely.
Managing it all
As I write this on my phone, my son has his class zoom call soon and my neighbor just dropped off dalia tubers in my mailbox.
I allow these feelings to come up, acknowledge them and move on.
Truth is I’m so exhausted at the end of the day. It’s a good exhausted feeling. One that tells me I’m not giving up on life. I’m keeping more busy then I ever have and am very grateful for what I do have.
I’ve been through too many ‘rough’ patches to know it’s temporary and the know the feeling of freedom once I’m out of the worst of it.
Flute playing, gardening, family birthdays, decor projects, Reno projects, organizing, running a ministry, blogging, studying, housework and family life. I think that’s it? I couldn’t do any of this without my faith or my amazing marriage with my husband.
How are you managing this Coronavirus self isolation order?